On Hitting Publish

a letter to combat writer’s block. plus: five things I’ve loved lately.

Dear friends,

A very happy May. Can you believe we’ve nearly reached summer? I begin this from my sun-soaked living room, feeling as if I start each of these letters with the same refrain: life is chugging along, has me teaching and rowing and reading, which would be decidedly boring to me were it not for the magic I find in my little routines. It is a gift and a privilege to feel settled in a place that even a year ago I was still finding a way of calling home.

In these recent months, I’ve also let Here/Hear lay dormant, in large part because I’ve struggled to compile a complete newsletter. Know that it’s not for lack of trying. One of my favourite pieces of writing advice is to name the writer’s block, to put whatever issue you’re wrestling with directly on the page. So here it is: I am finding it challenging to capture all the many questions and ideas I’m holding in my brain—about crafting a life, making art, being single, living abroad, feeling sentimental, practising kindness—in essay form, despite having plenty to say on each subject. I wonder if it’s a problem of saturation; there’s so much I could write that wading through my thoughts has proven an arduous task.

But I’ll get to the point: I worry nothing will get written if I don’t force myself to publish. When I blogged as a high schooler, I would sometimes list five bits of art/media I was enjoying in a series I called “High Five.” As a nod to my teenage self, and as a way of writing and publishing for no other purpose than to strengthen the muscles of writing and publishing, I thought I’d share five of my recent favourites. I’m hoping you’ll indulge me in this exercise—and perhaps we’ll discover that we even share a recent obsession! And so, without further ado…

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Talking at Night: Relationships feel like the perpetual topic of conversation in one’s 20s, and, for one reason or another, my reading tastes as of late have centred around the very same. Claire Daverly’s Talking at Night is a particular stand-out. Spanning decades, it follows two teenagers as they grow up and grieve a shared loss, learning to lean on and love each other in the process. Reading it, I loved how much of its British culture was familiar to me (their attraction starts in a Sixth Form, for crying out loud), but what I adored even more was its commitment to showcasing the quietest moments of the characters’ lives. If you take lived-in as a value, and I’m trying to do these days, there’s something powerful about literature built on the subtleties that characterise everyday life, as well as literature that poses the very questions that inspire one to live differently. This book fits the bill.

(My other contenders for inclusion, if you’re in need of more book recommendations, were Martyr! by Kaveh Akbar and Idlewild by James Frankie Thomas.)

Dead Eyes: A friend asked me recently if I listen to podcasts, concerned by an article that claimed Gen Z doesn’t, and I was happy to assure her that I, proud sample size of one, do. I’m currently working my way through Dead Eyes, a tongue-in-cheek podcast created by comedian Connor Ratliff to investigate why he was fired from a small role in Band of Brothers by the one and only Tom Hanks. If you’re questioning whether this one instance could make for a long enough podcast, let me assure you now that I’m over twenty episodes in: it absolutely does. The series has made me laugh out loud on more than one occasion, which alone makes it a winner, but I think my enjoyment really derives from its earnestness. I love nothing more than art that is genuine in naming its intentions. Best of all, its last episode aired in 2022, so we can have the satisfaction of finishing a complete podcast series. Sometimes it’s the small wins!

Fan Fiction: A Satire: If you were a Rookie girl growing up, chances are you’ve already read and re-read Tavi Gevinson’s masterpiece of a zine. If you were not, let me have the pleasure of introducing it to you. Fan Fiction is a satirical piece that imagines a Tavi-like narrator corresponding with Taylor Swift on matters of fame, fandom, and obsession. It is as bonkers and as wonderful as it sounds. The fangirl in me says that having more writing from Tavi is nothing short of a gift; the reader in me loves the many reflective layers within its 75 pages. It had me considering—and still does!—the pivotal period of adolescence, images of girlhood, and our relationships, perhaps paired, with celebrity and ambition. Take my word for it and give it a read.

The Teacher’s Lounge: We could talk about Challengers, but I have nothing to add to the conversation: the hype is earned, and the trio is hot. Let me instead tell you about a brilliant German film called The Teacher’s Lounge. Described as a “classroom thriller,” it follows a young and passionate new teacher swept up in a stealing scandal at her school. Leonie Benesch, who stars, is a treasure, and the filmmakers wield her understated acting to build a deep and unsettling level of tension throughout. It’s no surprise that I enjoyed it given my deep interest in teaching and the moral questions it raises, but I suppose that’s really the thing that forever fascinates me about schools: that they each exist as a microcosm of society, entangled in an array of ethical dilemmas that shape how young people (and the adults they later become) view the world. If you don’t mind subtitles, I’d highly encourage you to watch.

Stereophonic: Finally, Stereophonic recently made headlines as the most Tony-nominated play in history. If you haven’t heard of it before, take a cue from the playwright and think of it as a music documentary that unfolds onstage. While I think industry awards can be a dubious way of measuring artistic quality, the wide acclaim here makes a point—and the cast recording released last week only further proves it. Reminiscent of Fleetwood Mac, it is a balm for my folk rock-loving heart. Until my next trip to NYC in the summer, I’m happy to make do with playing “East of Eden” and “Masquerade” on repeat.

Related: the runner-up for this music category, let it be known, would be the unexpected combination of the High School Musical soundtracks and all of Noah Kahan’s catalogue, both of which I’ve had on repeat to satisfy the very nostalgic itch in my brain. The heart knows what it wants!

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And that’s what I have for you! If you feel so inclined, I’d love to hear your five obsessions at the moment. What are you reading? Watching? Listening to?

Otherwise (and always!), I send love whenever and wherever you need it. We are entering the period of weather where my students ask me if we can have class outside and I, a sucker for sunshine, say yes. I hope your own week also finds you delighting in simple pleasures.

Until next time,
Bella

P.S. It feels wrong of me to put something out in the world without also acknowledging the ongoing crisis in Palestine. I have found the US Campaign for Palestinian Rights a welcome resource on ways to take action and stay informed, and I’d direct us all there as if you too are looking for ways to use your voice for good.